When they were children, kids having a sibling rivalry was always a frustrating thing. It can be hard to break up fights and not feel like you’re taking sides.
Now, they’re teens, and the fighting continues. When they’re teens, it can be a little harder to break up fights. They are sometimes more significant and more reliable than you are, and what was once silly shouting matches can be profanity-laden tirades.
Plus, teen rivalry can be a little bit different than child rivalry, and the solutions you implemented when they were children may not be as good. Let’s take a moment to discuss some ways you can solve teenage competition.
When Does Teenage Sibling Fighting Happen?
If your kids are in the early part of their teenhood, especially if the youngest child is one, then this is the peak of your kids’ sibling rivalry. Significant changes are happening to both siblings, especially with the younger ones.
The younger child may have seen the older child as someone to look up to and follow, but as they become a teen, they are starting to become more independent. As a result, the older teen’s authority figure power doesn’t work as well, and this may end up causing lots of fights and power struggles.
This happening is a sign that both teens are beginning to become more independent, and this may lead to them butting heads, fighting more, and negatively affecting their sibling relationship. Them having new interests is what may cause the rivalry. They may feel like they don’t have anything in common with each other, and prefer the company of friends who have similar interests. You have to remember that teens can be quite cliquey, and by realizing this, you can delve into the psychology of the teens more.
Find Something Both Like
Positive parenting involves resolving conflict by finding common ground. Many teens start fighting because they feel like they don’t have much in common. However, there has to be one common interest or hobby they may have. Positive parenting involves delving into it and thinking of ways to bring them together, not tear them apart. It can help your teens realize that sometimes, they have their commonalities, and they may end up fighting less as a result.
Try Not To Intervene
Another way to use positive parenting to stop teenage siblings from fighting is to allow them to resolve things on their own. This thing may sound counterproductive. When your teens are fighting or engaging in a power struggle, you may believe that as a parent, you should have to address the argument. However, during the teen phase, teenagers are learning to resolve disputes on their own. They may be getting into discussions with their other friends and peers, and by letting them figure out a way for them to solve the problem, your teens may naturally figure out a way to love each other.
All About Listening
If you do intervene, you should make sure both teens are listening to each other. This is a great way to change your kids’ behavior. Sometimes, there is a miscommunication, and the teens aren’t listening to each other well. It’s okay for you to teach them to listen to each other, as this can help resolve the problem.
Have the teens tell their problems, and then you can figure out what the solutions are. Sometimes the best way to stop teenage siblings from fighting is to know their sentiments.
Write Down Solutions
Positive parenting involves writing down some potential solutions. Write down some possible ways they can resolve the fight, and then have your teens try to do it. Sometimes, it can take some time for them to try each one, and you may be able to give them some incentive by grounding them until they come up with a solution.
With finding solutions, you do want to make sure that there is a nice compromise, and that one teen isn’t “losing” to the other.
Stepping In With Fighting
If your teens are shouting or fighting physically with each other, as a ground rule you may have set, you will need to intervene. Always settling problems through shouting and fighting is a toxic way to resolve things, and it’s something that shouldn’t be normalized as well.
Try not to get on their level and shout and fight on your own, but instead calmly shut the fight down, and seek intervention if things go south. This age can be quite impulsive, and there is no choice but to intervene to stop teenage siblings from fighting.
Don’t Play Favorites
This method is a sensible way to resolve conflict. Don’t compare siblings, and don’t give one more priority over another. Comparing siblings just creates more hatred. By being neutral and looking at the good in each teen, can make you feel better.
Spend some equal quality time with each sibling and give them each parental attention time. This will help to reduce the amount of fighting and you will notice their sibling rivalry tendencies decrease.
Give Them Space
If they do end up fighting and go to their rooms, you must give them the space they need. Teens do need lots of privacy and care, and by giving them time to think about the fight, this can be good.
Remember, you are the parent, so intervene if you need to, but you may want to give them some space until the emotions cool down.
Make An Example
One mistake parents make is setting a bad example and this is something parents don’t think about all the time. If you’re always fighting with your spouse, it’s no wonder they are getting into fights all the time. You’re setting up an example of what not to do. Sometimes, checking yourself and what mom and dad do is the best way to make changes to help your teens to succeed.
Seek Help!
If your teens continue fighting, and there is no sign of stopping, there is no shame in talking to a mental health counselor or a mental health therapist. You are not a failure of a parent for doing this; sometimes, you need help from a mental health professional, as some problems are beyond your control.
A mental health counselor can figure out some solutions you didn’t think of, and a counselor or a therapist who specializes in teens is even better. They know the psychology of a teenager and how they tend to handle problems, and they can help you come up with solutions to all your questions. A counselor will even teach your younger child and older child conflict resolution skills and other effective ways that will help to reduce the fighting altogether.
In some situations, they may even recommend joining a support group with other parents who are in a similar situation with their children. Another option is following the popular posts that parents put up in their support groups because this will help you to gather additional resources to help address the siblings fighting.
Remember, this is a phase they may outgrow. In 10 years, they may look back at the fighting and laugh and all will be well in family life.
Stop Teenage Siblings From Fighting FAQs
How do you stop siblings from fighting?
Everyone must have equal individual attention in order to prevent fighting and sibling rivalry. Aside from that, positive parenting should also include teaching kids to negotiate and solve problems on their own.
What is normal sibling fighting?
It is normal kid behavior for sibling rivalry to occur, but it is essential to recognize when the fights are more than usual. It is rarer when siblings are always kind to each other and this can be hard on family life. It is also important to remember that sibling bullying can normally occur more frequently if they are stuck at home with each other for periods of time.
Should you let siblings fight?
Sometimes, because they often learn how to resolve conflicts among themselves. When parents intervene too much, siblings become too dependent on the umpire role that the parents play. So when a fight breaks out, try to let the sibling squabble resolve on its own.
What to do with siblings who fight all the time?
To reduce fighting in your home, parents must acknowledge the feelings of their children. Parents must identify and address the issue that causes sibling rivalry. This way, sibling bullying does not occur and family life can be improved.
How do you deal with a jealous sibling?
Sibling jealousy occurs more commonly when your younger or older kids are close in age. It is essential to engage in positive parenting and talk with them to sort things out. Help them to recognize their strengths and build their confidence. This will help to reduce the amount of sibling fighting and increase the quality of family life, especially when parental attention is a key factor in the sibling jealousy.
How do I stop yelling at my kids?
If you are used to yelling, then this may take a lot of work and you may have a hard time with it, but here are some guidelines to help you switch over to positive parenting. We know it’s hard, but it is best to know what your triggers are so you can anticipate early and not just go off od the heat of the moment. Talk to your kids about your expectations of them, then give them a warning when things begin to go wrong. If it does not work, then be proactive and adjust your expectations.
Stop Teenage Siblings From Fighting Other Resources
https://yourteenmag.com/family-life/siblings/sibling-rivalry
https://www.positiveparentingsolutions.com/parenting/sibling-fighting
https://imperfectfamilies.com/a-surprising-solution-to-sibling-fighting/
Last Updated on June 25, 2022 by Jejomar Contawe
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